


Story of my life

by APHBrussels



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Depression, F/M, M/M, Past Relationship(s), couples
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-12
Updated: 2017-08-12
Packaged: 2018-12-14 15:22:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11785953
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/APHBrussels/pseuds/APHBrussels
Summary: This is a story about how friendship turns into love. Brussels tells her part of the story. Her story of how she came to be the person that she is now and how that influences her life now.





	1. Unstable life, healing love

The story of my life? Not much to be honest .really believe me. I think if I would tell you about my past life that you would fall asleep of boredom. The only thing important enough to tell you I guess is that I have ruined so many lives over the years.

It just kind of happened in the past and I don’t know how it happened but it did. I feel bad about it. I never wanted it to happen. I’m the one who ruined so many lives, so many characters that I sometimes wonder why I’m still here.

Why people still care about me? Maybe they are faking that they care about me. Yes that will be it. I can’t see a other way how they can still act like that around me after what I have caused to people over thousand years.

Sometimes I just want to disappear but people find me important because I’m the capital of Europe. I am also the capital of Belgium, the headquarters of the NAVO and the Benelux. Don’t get me started about the very long name or the title. It is too long to get started about and I need to say it every time I pick up my phone. Maybe I am important now but I never chose this or this life.

I always wanted to be a normal girl. Not a capital. Just normal you know? Like normal people just being like the other people in the world and not be immortal. Just live a life and not deal with the stress of ruling whole Europe and being responsible about what goes wrong.

Someone who knows how I feel. I feel bad for him because he got bullied by one of my friend and I was not really happy to hear about it. I was pissed at Prussia well that is to put it.

Me and Russia have been friends for a really long whiel now and when I heard about people bullying him I felt bad for the Russian. I didn’t think Prussia was awesome anymore what I did before.

I actually don’t get why people call Russia creepy. He doesn’t seem that creepy to me. He has always been so kind to me and I think people think he is mean and scary because what has been going in his country.

That is the reason why I don’t like that people act like that to him. He only does dark aura on people if they are touching some sensative subject and he wants to scare them of so that they stop mentioning about the thinks that make him hurt.

But having this kind of thing to protect him makes people think he is mean even thought he doesn’t mean to be he isn’t aware that he comes over like that. He really does I have asked him about it since one of the countries who are under the Europain Union was talking about it. He himself was surprised and even shocked to hear that people thought that of him.

I think that is why I like him and really like him since he doesn’t mean to hurt people at all unlike other people I know who just love to hurt people just for fun which I myself hate to see or hear about.

Now I think of it..isn’t it like wrong to feel like this? I mean we have been friends since we were little and I don’t want to ruin our friendship by walking up to him and telling him this and that he turns me down after that.

Maybe it is smart to tell him how I feel since if I would keep it away from him he would think that I would not trust him with this info and than he would end up hating me in the end which I don’t want to happen. Since like I said he means a lot to me and if I end up losing him I don’t know if I would be able to get over that.

I would give everything to be with him even if it is for a little, if it was for a day that I could be the one he loves and holds close. Yeah you can see that this isn’t just a simple crush that you can get over with if you don’t think of.

 

“Brussels are you all right?” A sweet voice helped me to get out of my thoughts which I had been lost in for quite I while now since the meeting room I was in was completly empty now. That most of the time takes a little even if they all want to get out of the room as soon as possible.

“Yes I am completly fine.” I said softly when I found the word to say since was putting more effort in finding words than speaking itself. “But thank you for asking Russia.” It is hard to act like I normally do when I am around him. Lucky I can act pretty well so the chance that he will notice is very low.

“If you say so Brussels, if you say it than I will believe you.” He said before pulling me into a hug. It is not abnormal that he hugs me so I have nothing to use as proof if he likes me or not. We have known each other since we were little. Though I am slightly older than him, not much though. This hug feels different though.

My cheeks started to turn redder which each passing second that he is holding me in the close embrace, which I have to admit is a nice one. After a minute or so was my face tomato red. My big brother Spain loves tomatoes so he would laugh at the shade of my face. I just hope that Russia doesn’t notice that my face is so red but that is hoping for something I know that is going to happen anyway, now he will notice that my attitude has changed.

“Brussels is there something wrong? Are you sure everything is okay?” He asked me, the expression on the Russian’s face was very worried. Not only the expression on his face but also the look in his eye looked very worried.

Even though he asked me several questions I was unable to bring something out. Not one signle world was able to go past my lips. That is weird since I normally can always tell him what is on my mind but now.

It was very unexpected but after a minutes of complete silence between us two, he pulled me into a kiss. My mind went blank for a little after the sudden movement of the Russian. The first thought that came into my mind was: ‘So he likes me now right? Right?’

When he pulled back from the kiss for air it seemed that I have found my tongue again. Since I was finally to speak up again. “R-Russia?” I managed to bring out. It was stuttering though but I was able to bring something out this time.

Russia got up and wanted to walk away from me. I was still confused about what had happened but I managed to still grab the sleeve of the Russian’s long jacket. I am happy he still wears that thing even with this weather. It makes it easier to stop him.

When he turned to look at me, I finally noticed that his cheeks were a bright shade of pink. It means that like me he was blushing as well. “I-I n-need to g-go.” He stuttered and it was very audible that he did, even though I was still trying to get all the thoughts that were racing through my head into a straight line.

After that he tried to leave but since I was still holding his sleeve, he wasn’t quite able to do so. Or at least not yet, I was still able to say one thing: ”Please don’t go Russia, please I beg you.” 

And when I said that I was going to beg for it, I meant it since I was begging with my eyes not to leave. Like I mentioned earlier, I can’t live without him. Him being mad or pissed..I don’t know. Or why he is sad, I wouldn’t be able to handle the thought of that happening.

Since I am allready struggling with depression I don’t know what could happen if it gets any worse. Well it has been getting better for the last months but still, that were like baby steps in the right direction.

Even though I look rather frail and like I am going to break any moment it is the outside that is the strongest. The inside is a very disctructive mind that is like a glass object. It would chatter in a million pieces when you try to handle it.

I kept begging for the Russian in front of me not to leave but unfortunate for me he did break free and started to make his way out of the room. I watched him walk through the door of the meeting room, where I was still sitting.

When I saw him leave this room, many thoughts were going through my head. Many questions were I never got an answer to and that I had been able to shove to the back of my head appeared again.

Many worries surfaced in my mind. Why did he just leave like that? Why did he leave after doing a thing like that without explaining it or at least staying to talk. Does he not remember that he is one of the most important people in my life, who knows even the most important person. I guess that he doesn’t.

Tears start to well up in the corners of my eyes and they started to form small drops that rolled over my pale cheek. I was crying that was for sure, yet when I swore that I would not cry again. The last time I cries was during World War II, I rather would not talk about the reason why I was crying back than.

“Brussels? Brussels? Are you in here?” I heard a voice calling. If I need to go of how far the voice was away from me, I would say that the person was standing in the doorframe of the room. I knew who was calling for me though, the voice of the perons is very recognisable.

The voice belonged to Lithuania, he is a very nice person and a good country. One of the Baltic trio and also a member of the EU. He is the eldest of the three and functions like a kind of boss to them.

“I’m here Lithuania.”I said while wiping the tears that rolled over my cheeks away. He doesn’t need to see that I have been crying just a little ago. There are nations of the Europian Union who call him Liet, but I am not one of them. Poland satarted calling him that and it stuck with them ever since than. Lithuania seemed slightly annoyed with it at the start, I think that because so many people use the nickname that he got used to it.

“Oh there you are. I was looking for you.” He said and walked over to me. “Are you sure that you are allright, Brussels? It seems like you have been crying.” He said, sounding worried about me. He is kind and worries about others a lot, that makes him a good nation.

I was not happy to say the least when I heard that he had noticed that I had been crying. The thing is : ‘How will I get myself out of this situation? Will he continue to ask about it or will he drop the conversation?’

“I am fine Lithuania, no need to worry about me.” I said trying to sound like I usually do. Personally I just hope that I was able to pull that off. “ Do you need me for something?” Normally when Lithuania comes to me after a kind of meetin, it is because he needs help with something. I wonder what it is.

 

“Ah this may be a stupid question to ask but a lot of the others have the same quesition so I thought that it would be usefull to ask. Do you know when the next European Union meeting will be. It wasn’t mentioned in the previous meeting so most of us don’t know.” The Lithuanian said sounding slightly nervous while he asked the question. As he was afraid to offend me or something.

The last months or so I have mostly been living in my own thoughts more than in the real world. Which caused me to forget to tell the other nations when the next meeting was. I only now am aware that I didn’t do that before. “I am sorry Lithuania for not telling but the next meeting is on Friday.”

He thanked me for giving the usefull information and than left the room, most likely to inform the others about it.

Not a second after the door closed, tears rolled over my cheeks again. I wasn’t able to keep it in anymore. It didn’t matter to me anymore if someone would see me, I didn’t care what they would think if they would find me like this.

Why did he kiss me without saying anthing? I just don’t understand it at all. Everthing that has happened only made everything that was going on ten times more confusing as before. “R-Russia.. W-Why?” I said between the sobs. I couldn’t find any reason why he could have done anything like that.

We need to talk about this, if he wants to or not. Since I know him long enough so I know where he is now. I got up from where I was sitting and walked out of the room. I was sure that he would go to the Red Square in the capital of his country, the city of Moscow.

A few hours later I arrived in Russia by plane. I took a taxi to get to the Red Square. When the taxi stopped, paid him and I got out. I started to look around the square. ‘Hm? Weird he normally is here..’

It is weird that I am not able to find him here. He has always been here when I looked for him when he is sad. After scanning the square completly I finally found the person was looking for at the other side. “Russia!” I shouted to get his attention.

He turned to look at the voice that was yelling for him. When I came closed I noticed that his voilet eyes widend. He sure didn’t expect that I would have followed him to his country. He ran of the square and into a forest that wasn’t far from where we were before.

Oh god..forests. I don’t have very good memories when it comes to forests. Oh well to put it into another was, I have had a slight trauma from something that has happend in the woods when I was younger.

Please Russia, you know how much I hate places like this, how scared that I am to get lost in here and how scared I am to be alone. God who know that may be the reason why he picked a place like this to go to.

I looked around and saw nobody. I didn’t end up being to slow to keep up with him and he managed to get out of my sight. Looking around didn’t help since I was only able to see trees around me. No building that could help me get back, that means that I was lost in this woods.

Even though I wasn’t dresses for it with my thin dark blue dress, I sat down on the snow that was laying on the ground. I pulled my knees close to my body to keep myself warm and to hide that I was crying yet again.

As the tears roll over my cheek, I felt a hand being placed on my shoulder. A soft voice spoke up to me. “Please don’t cry.” The voice started. “You know that I hate it when you cry.” I looked up to see to who the voice belonged and jumped up from surprise. He did come back after all.

“I am so sorry for running away..I-I.” His muttering was interupted by a sudden kiss that from how he reacted, he sure didn’t expect at all. I think that is why returned the kiss so akwardly in the beginning. I don’t care what people will think. I love him no matter what happens.

”Uh Brussels…” I softly heard him say when we parted for air. Before I responded, I laid my head on his chest and looked up. “Hm? Yes?” I said slightly curious at what he was going to ask. “Do you remember by any chance how we ended up here? Do you know the way back?” He asked softly and carefully. Most likely in the hope that I wouldn’t freak out because we were offically lost in this forest.

I tried to calm down a little before I shook my head to let him know that I had no clue either of how to get back to the city. The silver haired Russian sighed at seeing that and carefully removed his jacket and drapped it around my shoulders. To keep me warm I assume.

He also held me close to him like if he hoped that his jacket combined with the heat coming from his body would prevent me from getting sick. “Stay close because otherwise you will catch a cold in these clothes.

I felt bad for having his coat on to be honest since it was very cold out here since it was winter. Well and Russian winters are known for being rather cold. He smiled warmly when he noticed the worried look on my face. “Don’t worry sunflower, I will be fine.” He placed a kiss on my forehead.

Okay good to know that he can read my mind now, that is something I may have get to get used to. Not that it won’t be so big of a deal since I trust my thoughts to him. He is nice and understanding.

He see that he looks in the pockets of his coat and pulled out his phone from it. He looked around, a spark of hope was visible in his eyes. That means that even though we are in the forest he still has connection.

It would have been a hole other situation if he didn’t but lets not think of that picture of events now. He deals a phone number and started talking. I knew from how he sounded and a few of the words that he was speaking Russian but I couldn’t catch everthing that he was saying to the person on the other side of the line.

The call ended a few minutes later. I looked up at the taller Russian in front of me. “Ivan, who did you call?” I asked and from the fact that I used his human name he knew I was dead serious about this situation.

About what I think an hour after he called I heard something.“Oh there you are, you weren’t easy to track down in a forest, you have got some balls to call me when you are cheating on the girl you like.” A voice behind me spoke up, though I recognised the owner of the voice. So he called her, that is very surprising.

I turned around and saw the person who I thought would be standing there. It was indeed Belarus who he had called over the phone. “Oh it is you after all Brussels.” She said and pointed at the jacket.” Didn’t recognise you with big brother’s jacket on.”

“Well if you are curious about what he said to me when he called. He asked if I could find where you guys were as fast as I could because he doesn’t want his precious sunflower would catch a cold. But I didn’t know that that would be you.”

Well let me explain this. Since we have been friends for a very long time Russia and I have nicknames for each other. It has been like that as long as I can remember. The nickname I gave him many years ago was: Russian Snow Angel.

I have to say that this isn’t the first time that I got lost in the woods with this Russian. It is that it was another place and it was a lot warmer than here. We were luckly some locals found us because I don’t know what would have happened if they didn’t.

It is that an another event that caused me to have a trauma and made me scared to go into the woods on my own. I am not that scared anymore since I have a pair of strong arms keeping me safe.

When we later arrived at Russia’s house we started talking when we were standing on the doorstep. ”Belarus , thank you so much for saving us. We couldn’t have been able to get out without your help.” I said and smiled warmly. “But do one thing for me please. Stop bullying him.”

She looked confused at me. The Belarusian tilled her head in confusion.” He loves you and you love him. I know that I can see it in your eyes, so you need to tell him how you feel. He won’t bite.”


	2. Heartbreaking love

It didn’t take us that long about an hour or so and we got to Russia’s house. Belarus brought us there and gave us some blankets to keep warm while we were in the car. Well Ivan had a blanket for himself but he quick passed that one to me.

He insisted that I would keep the blanket and the jacket to keep myself warm. I wanted to say that he needed his blanket or his jacket as well, but he kept saying that I needed it more because I was not used to the weather of his country. He said that he didn’t want me to catch a cold. Knowing the Russian trying to agree about something like this is like learing England to cook. It isn’t going to work, how hard you try.

When we were standing in the doorway and Belarus was standing in front of her car, ready to leave to finally go home as well. For her it has been a long day as well. I think it was a hard day for everyone, who was at the hectic meeting of today.

I looked at her and spoke up: "Thank you for saving us,I don’t know what would have become of us if you didn’t."I said, she nodded as a reply before getting into the car. Only a few minuted later, she was completly out of our sight.

I was looking in the distance, where Belarus just had drove to and than I felt a pair of arms being wrapped around my small waist.Russia had pulled me into a hug. He nuzzle in the crook of my neck for a little before I felt something.

He placed a kiss on the crook of my neck, which just happens to be my most sensative spot on my neck.My face went to the most bright shade of red that it could go. It was a kind of red that would even put big brother Spain’s tomatoes, that he is so proud of, to shame.

"R-Russia, W-What are you doing?” I stutterd when I started to get a fizzy feeling in my stomach and a light feeling in my head. He didn't response to the question that I had asked him and just continued like nothing had happened and like it was the most normal thing in the world to do.

He feels so warm. Even though we have been in the freezing cold, in the winter. He doesn’t seem to have it cold. It is just like he is normally this warm, if the temperature of his body is way hotter than a normal human. Like he has a fever without being sick. A walking heater dresser like a normal human.

And he is also so soft. He is like a huge teddy bear that gives you a hug. One big enough that it is bigger than yourself. Those huge bears you can find in stores with stuff for little children. That is what Ivan is.

When I looked up, I saw somebody in the distance who was getting closer. It was like the person who was in the distance was focused on this house, it wouldn’t be far from a stretch that they would. The house the Russian lived it was very isolated from the nearby village. So you would know if someone would come to this house instead of looking for any other house.

Not long after that I noticed the person walking towards up. Russia noticed it as well and well he didn’t seem that happy and didn’t really trust the person that was walking. The person, from the looks of it a man from around the age of twenty was walking towards the house. In the fizziness that was in my mind, I could still make out the purple coat that the person was wearing.

Russia must not have noticed the person and turned around with me still in his arms. He wanted to protect me from whoever was coming in our ways. Even when he didn’t know who the person was, he still wanted to make sure that I was safe before knowing that.

But I was almost sure that I knew who it was that was walking, there on the side of the road. I slowly broke free from the hug where I was in and turned back to look at the person. Since they were very close now I could see who it was. I was right, I knew who it was who walked up to us.

To be honest I was more than suprised to see him here. I don’t know why he would be here. Does he need my help with something? Why didn’t he call me if there was really something that was on his mind?

"Austria, what are you doing here?" I have always seen Austria as some kind of brother to me. Even after that we had our little fight back in the days. We had our fights, hated each other for a little but in the end we made it up again.

I saw that my adoptive brother wasn't relaxed, far from that. He looked a bit scared but very stressed. Something must have happened that stressed him so much. He normally doesn’t get stressed that badly. It must have been something very badly that he is now acting like that.

"Brussels can I speak you for a moment?" He spoke on a soft and a gentle tone. Something he only did when he didn’t feel that well in his own skin. That worried me a lot since that only happened once of twice. His eyes were screaming that he really needed that moment to talk to me.

"Sure." Was the only thing I said as a reply on his question. Not really knowing what else I had to say about it. Austria in this kind of mood is very sensative and I didn’t want to end up hurting him even more or make him more confused than he allready was.

I turned to looked at the Russian man, who looked at Austria as if he was a tread of some kind. Even though he knew that he is my family he didn’t seem to be able to let it go. The protective mood he was in right now was not going to go away soon. “Russia, can you leave us alone for a second, please?"

He only nodded lighty and walked into the livingroom. So he did what I had asked him. He would not be hearing anything we say but that didn’t mean that from the room he would be in that he wouldn’t be able to see us. That room had big window, through which you would be able to see us and the rest of the street in front of the house.

I wonder what happened. Or more specific. What had happend between him and Prussia? I knew that it had to between him and Prussia, since that is the only thing that seems to get the man worked up the last year.But this, this is very serious.

"Brother is there something wrong? You seem stressed." That much was for sure at this point and you don’t have to be a genuis to see that. Even Italy, no offense would have noticed that Austria was stressed. I am one of the few who know about the feelings that the Austrian has for his Prussian former enemy.

Those two have hated each other. As long as I remember it has been that way. Since a few months ago Austria started to like Prussia, where the sudden change in feelings came from is something that I try not to break my head on. I don’t think he even knows why there was a sudden change, because he himself said that he is very confused about the sudden change.

He took a deep breath and started to blurt out everything."He is trying to make me go crazy.” He said and placed his hands on his head like if it would prevent him from going insane. “He is playing with my mind, please I need your help. I just can't take it anymore.” The one thing that was bothering him the most was allready of his chest. I could see that because of the tone of his voice. It started to calm down again.

He walked up to me and pulled me into a hug. It was a very thight hug that was clear. That Austria showed that kind of affection is nothing for him. This is something that he had never done before. I am older than him so it couldn’t be because I wasn’t born at the time. This are really things that he had never, ever done before.

"It will be fine brother, I promise." I smiled in an attempt to calm the man, who was hugging me, down. When I looked at him he returned the look I was giving him with one, which I can explain as a look that would declare him completly crazy.

"He kissed me and after that said it was a joke. He said that is a goddamn joke. I didn’t want to stay any longer." My smile changed into a frown. That Prussian is so dead. The next time I see him. He won’t be that luck. Nobody messes with someones feelings like that. Especially not to someone as my brother. This kind of jokes are far from funny.

It was like a bomb has exploded in me.”That Prussian is so dead. where is he?" I hissed under my breath.Like I said nobody hurts my brother and when I say stuff, I mean those things.

"Brussels, please don't." Austria said on a calm tone to not piss me off more than I was at this moment. It is just that the love that my brother feels for the man. It makes me unable to do anything. I can’t do anything that would make the Prussian realise what he has done.

But for the sake of my brother I decided just for this time that I would let it slide. Just this time, because it was Austria who insisted that I would not do anything to him. But the next time that he does something like this, I'm going to punch him in the face.

And If you speak of the devil you can see his tail. In this case it was more because we were thinking about him but he was mentioned in the conversation so that counts as talking about him. The albino was now standing in front of us, facing me and Austria was facing his back at the man.

"I'm sorry Austria.” The Prussian started. “I really am. I never meant to hurt you in any way. I said that it was a joke because you had such a scared expression when you looked at me after it. I didn’t want you to hate me, that is why I lied. I promise that that is the full truth. I noticed that it hurted you when it was way to late."

The albino took my brother over from me and held him close. I could really see that the Prussian means what he was saying. "I'm so sorry." I heard him whisper while he was holding Austria close.

Okay, can someone tell me what has happened to Prussia. Normally you would hear him apologize to people. He has always been like that, because of his big ego. It is a very hectic day of confusing stuff, that much am I able to figure out.

My adoptive brother’s reply was that returned the hug. It indicated that he forgave Prussia for what had happened earlier that day. It was also an exclusive case since it would sometimes take years for Austria to forgive people and yet he was able to fogive Prussia in lesser than a few hours.

Prussia kissed him gently on the lips. I could see that this time it wasn't a joke. Now I look at it those two look so cute together, like the two were made for each other. I like to see happy people, because I have never been able to be happy myself and I thought that I would never be.My childhood friend, the person who I always trusted my feelings to made me realize that my thoughts were wrong.

I felt arms around my waist. "If you think of the devil." I said and looked behind me to see Russia. He must be tired of waiting for everything to get fixed. Russia smiled at me when I turned to look around at him. It made me blush a little, not much but it was still visible on my face. I returned the hug and burried my face in his chest. Like I said before even if it's winter in Russia,he stays as warm as he normally is. Must be very annoying when it is warm in the winter though. We have been through many hard times. Alone and together. Together with my dear friend, even after what has happend in the past.

Though, thanks to America in the cold war, Russia was kind of my enemy. I hated the cold war. I always hate wars. I don’t see the point in them but I hated this the most because I was fighting against someone who means a lot to me, a friend and the love of my life.

You know a representation of a county normally don't want a war to happen. There were only a few war that were with the approval of the county like. Two of those are the Revolution War in America and the Belgian Revolution in Belgium of course. We chose to fight because that was the right thing to do. I wanted to be independent because I didn't wanted to suffer anymore. Being a part of bigger nation was something I sufferd greatly under.

I know I hurt Netherlands feelings with doing that but this was something I needed to do. He knew that we had to do this. "You are thinking to much don't do that.” I heard Russia speak up. He was whispering in my ear. “Please let me erease my your thoughts." He said before pulling me into a kiss.

His kisses are so different than the way he normally acts around people. He always act so strong around other nation and never shows his true feelings, but yet his kisses are so full of emotions. They are also so gentle and so soft.

"It sure is adorable to watch." I pulled back from the kiss to see that the Prussian and Austrian starting at us. The voice belonged to the Austrian, who was still in the Prussian’s arms. I like to see that my brother is so happy.

"You look cute too, in the arms of Prussia, my dear brother." I Usually don't call Austria brother, but that is most of the time only to annoy him or to piss him of when he is allready annoyed.

His face got tomato red. I didn’t think that it would be possible but his face got even redder when the albino placed a kiss on his cheek. "Maybe we need to leave the two lovebirds alone." The Prussian whispered in the purple eyed boy’s ear. Who only nodded and waved goodbye to me. I knew there were leaving, I nodded in response.

Later that evening I decided that it had been a very long day. I was getting tired and it was a very long way home. "Russia I'm leaving!" I shouted so that the man would know that I was going to leave. Not that he would end up being worried that he can’t find me while I am on my way home.

I also wanted to leave Russia’s home because I didn't wanted to bother him to much and well my bosses actually don’t like it that much if I stay away to long. I'm 21 years old in human years. I am sure that they do it because I represent the capital of the EU and they don’t want anything to happen to me.

"Brussels, please don't leave me." He pulled me in a hug to prevent me from going anywhere. He shares the same fear that I have, in a smaller degree but still. The fear to be alone. The thing is that not many people actual seemed to mind that or even care about it. Even some of our bosses don’t want to listen.

Some countries have the fear that other people are going to leave them, so a other kind of fear that Russia and I have they are mainly the same. One of the nations with this fear is England. Since he thinks that everyone is going to leave, he doesn’ accept to fall in love with somebody and to be his girl- or boyfriend.

I wonder how France is dealing with him now after the what he said to him. It is something that made the meeting even more hectic than it allready was. The thing between them was a few hours ago, somewhere in the middle of the meeting.

 

“Don't touch me you stupid Frenchman."The whole meeting could hear England say to France, sounding very annoyed. France always makes it always so during meetings that England takes the first step to start a fight, so that he never could be blamed.Everybody has noticed that by now.

"Says mister forever alone." France said, very fed up about the whole agrument. He must have used that as a thing to shut England up. Everyone in the world meeting room became silent. Which roughly indicated that he had gone to far with what he said.

The whole meeting than turned to England to se what his reacting would be to the very hurtfull remark that came from his past enemy. Nobody had ever gone that low when they insulted someone.

"Do you know? Do you really know, how hard it was for me to lose everyone I loved and care about? Do you know how hard it is that the people you took so much care in raising, do like you don't exist?” He bit his lip lightly.

“Do you know, how hard it is to be hated by your brothers? Do you know, how hard it is to be hated by everyone?" He started to cry. Tears started rolling over his cheeks. Nobody saw England doing that since America gained his independence.

"A-A-Anglettere." France now had noticed himself and knew that he had gone too far. Normally he doesn't go that far, he must very upset about something the other did or something in Englands behavior. England had already ran of crying. I saw the look in France’s eyes, he feels guilty about what he said that is for sure. He turned around to the meeting room and saw that the other countries where furious at him.

"Ok.” He said and sounded like he was either going to cry or vomit. “I'm going to apologize, don’t look at me as if you are all going to murder me please." France said and walked out of the room. Now he was searching for England, who he knew would be able to go far when he is crying.


	3. From hell to heaven

Where is the crying Briton now? He can’t be far from here. He has never been able to get further than a few meter when he is like this.

France thought to himself while he was searching for the younger Briton. He wasn’t much younger than the Frenchman, a year or three or something like that. He knew that what he had sad was wrong. He did it because he was annoyed by the Briton that he acts that way, not even want to try to be nice to him. It hurted him because, England is the person he was head over heals in love with.

So in the end he just couldn’t take that fact anymore, there snapped something in his mind and shouted that of all things to him even though he didn’t mean it. Yet it was to late right now, the damage had allready been done.

”Angleterre…” He saw the man, who more looked like a young boy crying against the wall of the corridor. France sighed and walked over to the blonde and croutched down next to him. He placed a hand on England’s shoulder.

”Go away you bloody frog.” He tried to sound angry at him but it didn’t seem to work that much from the looks of it. ”You know Angleterre?” France started and looked at the ball, that was supossed to be England. “You’re hurting me more than I have hurted you with my words. It is as much of mental pain as what you are feeling now, but I’m here to say that I am sorry for what I said.”

He couldn’t really face him after what he had said to him. And he knew that if he were him that he would never in his life forgive him for what he had said to the Briton. So he wouldn’t really mind if England wasn’t able to forgive him. It was his fault for saying such a thing and he had to pay the prize for doing so.

Yet he felt hands being placed on his cheeks. They were soft and warm, yet wet from the tears. The tears that he had caused. England made the Frenchman face him by holding his face in his hands.

”What do you mean France?” France had to look at the teary eyes of the man who was sitting in front of him right now. France felt a heavy feeling in his stomach. That he was able to bring him into such a mood, was a pain in his hear that he had yet to learn to accept.

He tried to break loose from his grip of the younger nation sitting in front of him. France started to wave his hands in front of his face. Trying to act like what he had said, hadndn’t really happend. Yet it did, but he wasn’t sure if he was able to tell the man his feelings right now.

It wasn’t like he had much left to lose, but someting still kept him from confessing his love to the man who stole his heart. Maybe it was the feeling in his stomach from earlier that made him unable to do so, afraid that saying what he really felt toward the man would only make it worse.

”Oh, never mind.” France said and got up from the spot on the carpet that he was sitting on. He tried to walk away but he felt like he was held back from doing so. When he looked to see what it was. He saw England with his arms around his waist, keeping him from walking away.

His heart started racing very fast since he didn’t really expect that kind of reaction from the Briton. Well he didn’t really expect any but bad reactions from the man, because of what had happend. So it was a suprise that he did this, but it was a pleasant surprise.

"Why do you need to do so difficult you mindless frog?" England muttered softly with his head against France’s back. In a way he seemed to enjoy the position he was in right now. “Me being difficult?" France asked shocked and also a bit confused.

"You can't even say one nice thing to me, about me. Even though I lo-" He stopped at the right time. He had almost said, he had almost confessed his love to England. France couldn’t really believe it. It could be so easy and yet he always thought it was so hard.

"You mindless goat." England said to the Frenchman. It was a light insult to the man, who had heard many more of those ever since they were small. He had also heard way worse coming from the Briton. This could only mean that things were starting to change, but in a good way.

 

He didn’t think of what to do next, his heart was tired of not being listened to for all those years. He took over the body of the man and made him kiss England after he turned to face him.

Yet when he kissed the love of his life, a tear rolled over France’s cheek. It was one, single and lonely tear that made its way down the man’s cheek. He always cried. That was for the people he loved. He cried because of what happened to Jeanne d’Arc, who went burned to the steak. A realisation hit him and then he gasped.

It had been her death anniversery day today and yet his mind was only filled with thoughts of the man whose lips had just touched his. Which was a great feeling to him. It felt like a dream that had just come true. He needed a little to let it all sink in.

"It was today wasn't it?" England said when they had to pull back for air. He had always been mad at England for the dead of Jeanne. He had also been mad at the Bourgondains. The people who now represent Belgium and Nehterlands.

But that anger fell away when he got his hands on the biggest part of the Bourgondians terretory. That was the part that is now called the Kingdom of Belgium. Actually it was not Belgium, who made him lose his anger.

It was the brunette, who was always with her. It is the person who he had grown so close to over the years, his cousin and Belgium her blood own sister. He later noticed that the girl, her name being Brussels and England had a character that could be very alike at times.

They both liked to tease him and liked to work on his nerves. Brussels stopped with the teasing after a while, that was because they came close friends and she didn’t really saw a reason in continuing that. France’s thoughts were interupted when a sudden cry filled the room.

It was the crying of a child, that much was for sure. It was a small cry so it would not have been from an adult. "France do you hear a child crying to or ..." England didn't even finish the sentence, because they had already had the argument about the Briton’s friends way to many times.

A little kid came into view and dashed into England arms. It was a little girl, she looked very much like France but it was not only him. "Mommy." That was the only thing the little girl uttered while she cried. She looked very scared. To add to it, her arms were full of cuts and bruises. She was wearing very old and dusty clothes.

“Mommy?" England said very confused and raised and eyebrow at what the little girl had said. He didn’t really understand why she had called him of all people mommy. To him it was very clear that he is male so it confused him a lot.

England looked at the girl in his arms and held her close. It didn’t matter right now that she had called him mommy. "Where is she?" He heard a man in a black suit say to himself. The man was obviously searching for the child.

When the little girl heard the man's voice, she became pale and fainted in England’s arms. A clear indication that the girl was very scared of whoever this person really was. “Who are you?" England said stood up while holding the girl in his arms. He made here that she would not fall.

He is used to carry little kids around the house, since like he had mentioned before he raised a few himself. "Will you just hand over the child, please?" The man said with a satisfied grin, but his voice was a very cold one. He sure was happy that he had found the little one he'd been searching for the whole day.

"No I won't." England said with a worried frown on his face. The grip on the little girl tightend a little since he didn’t really trust the man standing in front of him. Not after seeing how she had reacted to seeing him.

The child woke up not long after and she started crying again, yet this time it was way louder than before. England was used to it from when America was little, the American had always been very loud. The man in the suit was too distracted by holding his ears shut that he didn't see,the little girl handing a letter to Francis. His name was written on it and the handwriting hurted his chest.

The letter that she has handed to him read: Dear Francis,

When you read this I will no longer be under the living. It was god choice that I would die. But he also allowed me to give a wonder or at least find this little girl at my house. I know that she is yours, from how she acts and how she looks. This is your daughter Francis, she goes by the name Lilith Bonnefoy. I hope you don’t mind for picking the little girl her name.

I hope you raise her well and I hope that you have been able to find a new love.

J'aime toi,

Jeanne D’arc

"Shhh I won't hurt you little girl.” England whispered softly to the little girl, he tried to calm her down. ”Please calm down." England tried his best to calm her down, but it didn’t go as easy as he hoped for.

It really felt so long ago, since America was young. It was because of the difficulty that he had with calming her down, that it was longer than his memories sometimes made him feel.

Francis had a weird look while holding the letter. It was a mixture of several emotions.

"C-could you hand her over to me, England?" France asked carefully, but couldn’t prevent himself from stuttering when he did. He enjoyed the view of England trying to calm his daughter. He had no idea about how she could be his daughter and where she came from. The only thing he could be sure of is that she is a nation like them and that Jeanne was able to raise her for a little.

“Sure." England replied and handed the little girl to France. England could see that there was a slight hint of hurt in the man’s eyes. Like he was struggling from emotional pain that came from somewhere.

"What was in the letter?" That was the only thing that England could come up with that could be the reason why he felt so hurt. It was something in the letter that made him feel like this and it worried the Briton. "She is my daughter. That is what Jeanne said. She has raised her and gave her, her name." France said soflty.

England couldn't face neither the child or France after hearing the news of the letter. A wave of extreme guilt overcame him. It was his fault that Jeanne was dead now. It had always been a thing that hurted hil emotionally but now he knew the full truth. She had also left the little girl behind, it wasn’t hers but she raised it like it was. He suddenly felt extremly sick.

The girl named Lilith hugged England and softly whispered something in the nation’s ear." Mommy Jeanne forgives you." England lost the ability to say anything anymore. The child had been able to shock him too much.

How could have Jeanne forgiven him what he did to her? He just didn’t understand. Tears welled up in his eyes before rolling over his cheeks. He killed this little girl’s mother and the person who meant the most to France.

"You're wrong." The girl said like if she had been able to read the Briton’s mind. She shook her head before taking her father’s hand and placed it on England’s cheek. Francis knew what she wanted. He placed a small peck on England’s lips. “You didn't kill her." Lilith spoke up after the kiss had ended."Till today she had always been very dear to him, but he forgot her because of you. You were able to make him move on" The little girl smiled.

So she forgave him? France must have been dear to Jeanne, that she would forgive England for what he had done to her. That she could forgive him for making France able to move on. " Thank you... it means a lot to me that your mother forgave me." The Briton said smiling but there were still tears rolling over his cheeks. This time it were happy tears.

"She had only one condition." The girl said and looked England in the eyes. It made the man confused."Huh? what do you mean?" He said and tilled his head in slight confusion. He didn’t really get what the girl meant. "You have to make daddy happy~" Lillith giggled.

"I will try, but if I can make him happy depends on your daddy." He said and smiled at France. I was a very warm smile that he had on his face while he wiped away the tears. "Well, I think You’ll be able to do that." Francis said and return the smile.

The girl now looked down at the ground. England, who was still holding her was the first of the two to notice it.“What’s wrong little girl?" England asked right after he noticed that the girl didn’t seem to feel comfortable.

"uhm, I don't wanna go to that meanie head." She said while she pointed at the man,who left through the door. Most likely because he had given up on this girl. "I don't have a home." England’s expression softened when he heard that news.

England looked at France who simply nodded. He knew what he was going to ask and it seemed like he had agreed on the idea. " Well now you have. We will take care of you." England said and looked at the girl.

"you will?" Like if a spell was broken it seemed like she was like a normal girl around her age again. She seemed smarter and knew more about the world before. Now it all looked like something new to her.

Francis understood that it was Jeanne herself that had spoken through the child. She had wanted the girl to be happy and safe with her daddy, but also wanted France to be happy. Who knows even wanted to solve everything with England.

"We will." England replied, still smiling at the girl. She hugged her new mother,but Francis stood there at the side just looking. He felt confused because of all this, at the moment it was a bit to much for him.

“ Is there something wrong Francis?” He asked the Frenchman before realising something. “Oh little girl what's your name?" He had finally realize that he didn't even know the little girl’s. "Lillith,Lillith Bonnefoy." The little girl replied.

“I’m Arthur Kirkland but everybody calls me England, nice to meet you little girl." He said and than looked at Francis again. Who wasn't with his mind here on planet earth at the moment.

It took him a while to snap out of his thoughts and to notice that he was supposed to introduce himself as well. England wasn’t planning to introduce him. France was perfectly able to do that himself. “oh, oh yeah I’m Francis." France said while he was allready starting to get lost in his own thoughts again.

"Also known as France.” England added, sounding a bit annoyed. “Tout va bien francis?" England only knew a little French. He didn’t really use it that much even. It was because he had to learn French when France was in his country and even took over some part that had belonged to him. It had a huge impact on the language he speaks today.

No was France’s only answer to the question that England had asked him. In French to add that to it. "Dada, tu aime maman?" (Daddy do you like mother) Francis was shocked. He looked at England first before looking at Lillith.

"Of course I do love your mother, but now it's diffr-" France got interupted by, the girl who just shook her head as an indication that that was not what she meant." Maman Anglais, tu aimer il?" (English mom do you like him?)

The little girl had some trouble with French since he had been locked away from the world for hundreds of years. "Oui j'aime ton papa." (Yes, I love your dad) You could hear that it really had been a while since England had used French. It took a while for him to find the right words.

There was something that was bothering Francis, but in the back of his mind Arthur knew that Francis wasn’t planning to tell him. Or not at least without him trying to get the thing from him. It would not be spontanious.

" It's about me isn't it?"


	4. Fixing past wounds

England said and by saying that he Francis’ attention in mere seconds. He was surprised that England was blaming himself for the Frenchman’s internal struggle."Yes.” He started to say whitout thinking. Not a second later he realised what he did. “Uh, I mean no." France knew that ith every word he. He would make the situation worse.

"I get what you mean." England said and started to walk away. In his voice you could hear that the answer to the question had really hurt him. Even though he somewhere knew that France didn’t mean it like that, it still pained him.

The little girl give a kiss on Francis cheek. A small smile on her face before she started to England. “Mommy, please wait. I can't walk that fast~ I need to pee~" Lillith utterd, it sounded like she really meant it. The old tears came back when he didn’t stop right away.

Arthur stopped walking when he heard the little girl cry. He didn’t want her to be said. Even if he was angry at France, he would not leave the girl. Especially not when she needs to go to the bathroom that badly. He turned around and waited for Lilith to reach where he stopped walking.

England didn't look at France, but from what France could see that England was at the edge of crying. "Mommy....I need to pee..." Lilith shivered fiercefully the little girl said while she waddled over to him. "Come here then I bring you to the restroom."

 

Arthur kneeled down and spread his arms so that he could pick her up. And than bring in the girl to the restroom. He smiled for the little girl but everyone who was older than the little girl would have realised that he was still hurt.

"Mommy? Did you and daddy have a fight?" She whimpered while England was holding her. When they finally reached the restroom, England puts the little girl down. Lillith dashed to the toilet and cried out. "It's too high! Can you help me~?"

Arthur picked her up and sat her down on the toilet seat. "There is something that bothers your daddy. It is something that I have done, yet he doesn’t seem to want to tell me. I am fine with that though.”

"No, you not."Lillith said and looked up at the much taller nation. She let out a small sigh before speaking up again. "You need to talk to daddy, cause daddy loves you a lot~" She said with a smile on her face, she must really mean what she said.

"That's something your dad needs to decide, sweety. Hopefully, he knows that I love him." He said and faked a smile. She was right, he wasn’t fine with this at all. But he also knew that he couldn't replace the one that France loved the most. That way he could not ease the pain the Frenchman had.

When the girl was finished, he lifted her up again. "Mommy is sad." Lillith uttered and gave England a kiss on his cheek. It hurt the little girl’s body to move this much, she had ran around enough today.

"It's nothing, sweetie don't worry I'’ll be fine." He knew that his sadness was affecting the little girl. He could see it in the look on his eyes. The girl became quiet, her eyes becoming dark then in a second it disappeared. "Are you ready? Then we can go to your daddy. He must be thinking, why it takes so long."

England smiled at the tought of how France would react on the fact that it was taking them so long to go to the restroom. When they walked out, they saw France waiting next to the doorframe.

"France how long have you been here?" England looked confused at the Frenchman, who was now standing in front of him. He really didn’t expect him to stand there. "The whole time.Why?"

The Frenchmen was also very confused, but that was because of the odd reaction coming from England. He had heard the little girl talking to the Briton. "Just curious." England muttered. Actually he had hoped that France didn't hear the conversation between them. He tried to face a smile once more.

" I heard the conversation. You really think she is my beloved person, don’t you?" Francis asked on a soft and very gentle tone. It wasn’t like him to act like this, but he couldn’t explain why he was acting so odd today.

"Of course I do. hen someone says her name or mentions her. “ England paused for a minute and took a deep breath.” You get that sad look on your face." The Briton look at the floor once more, because he didn't want to see the hurt expression on France’s face.

"Elisabeth." Francis said and it was the only thing he said. He looked at how the expression on England’s face grew sadder."Her name you do the same expression." The look of England looked so hurt. Francis sighed, placed Lillith on the floor and pulled England into a hug.

"We both had people we loved. But that doesn't change the fact of who I love right now. Arthur I love you, and only you. You are the one, who owns my heart now." France had done it. He had finally confessed his love to the man he loved.

France than noticed something off. He placed a small kiss on England’s cheek after that he turned to look around. "Did you see Lilith?" Noticing that the little girl was no where in sight. They had just seen her a minute ago.

"Italy-nyan~!" They could hear Lilith screams and you could also hear Italy scream in pain as well."Hey I’m not a cat!" He sounded lightly in pain as if the little girl had stepped on his toes or something like that.

"I think we found her." England said, kissed Francis on the cheek and walked out of the restroom. They walked towards the meeting room together. "Germany woof~" Lilith said when they entered the meeting room again. Germany look all embarrassed and was trying to hide his face.

"Little girl, can I ask you who you are?" Brussels croutched down in front of the girl while she asked asked the question to the little girl. She had worked with children before so she knew how to react and act around them.

"Oh~ Pretty girl" Lilith uttered and hugged Brussels. "Thank you?" Brussels said sounding very confused. Who is this girl? And more important, how did she get into the meeting room?

"Which language do you speak little girl?" The Belgian asked and looked at Lillith. She wanted to figure out the questions that she had in her head."English and French" The little girl answered.

When she saw France and England she grinned."Mommy, daddy, woof woof " The little girl said and giggled."Qu'est-ce qui se passe ici frère?" (What is going on here, brother?) Brussels was so confused that she seemed to have lost the ability to speak English. For an answer she looked confused at her big brother.

"She is my daughter." Francis said. You could hear in his voice that he was proud of her but also the confusion from earlier was still audible in his voice. What France said made Brussels raise an eyebrow."Quoi? Vous plaisantez,non?" (What? You are joking, right?)

Brussels couldn't completly understand what her brother just said. When should he? The Belgian was almost sure that she didn’t even want to know how and when."C'est difficulte pour explainer, mais elle est mon fille" (It is hard to explain, but she is my daughter.)

Francis shook his head and looked at England before speaking up."No she is our daughter. Of England and I." He finished with a warm smile on his face that was returned by the Briton.

"Eh bien. Je n'ai pas l'intention de le rendre plus confuse qu'elle ne l'est déjà.” Brussels said and looked at little girl again. “Petite fille plaisir de vous rencontre." (Oh ok, I don’t have the intention to make this more confusing than it allready is. Little girl it is a pleasure to meet you)

The whole meeting room allready had a feeling that the confusing and weird stuff would not end there. How they all knew is a mystery but all of them seemed to see something coming. They weren’t sure if is was a good or a bad thing.


End file.
